L'etrangere. The foreigner.

Another important aspect of living in a foreign country is fully immersing oneself in the culture. Your own cultural habits will only slow you down, if you stubbornly cling to them as a foreigner. The funny thing is that cultural habits are often so subtle that it can take awhile to realize that they are the reason why living continues to be frustrating, in addition to why you continually feel so foreign. When you really think about it, you feel like you fit into a place when your habits generally resemble those of the people around you, and when they easily fit into your daily routine. For instance, in Paris it is not common to bring your own lunch, even to your university, while Americans pack their lunches all the time! Yes, it is possible to make a sandwich at home and bring it with you in a container, but it is not the French thing to do, and therefore, it is a pain in the ass to do here!
To an American, it seems like a perfectly healthy and economically sound alternative to the crap that is available at most cafes, but things in France are different! It is possible to go to McDonalds, and yet, a Big Mac is not exactly on the typical Parisian’s menu. In fact, the popular “fast food” in Paris consists of a fresh baguette and a few slices of ham, and cheese, or eggs, lettuce and tomatoes for a couple euro! Basically, it only makes sense to abandon your American compulsion to pack a lunch, and to embrace the delicious sandwiches that are prepared for you by your local boulangerie! Your uniquely Parisian lunch will bring a smile to your face after only one bite, and you will realize why the French choose this option, instead! Now, you don’t have to fuss in the kitchen, or bring a bigger bag to carry your lunch, and you spend more time walking around the city to find the perfect sandwich! Plus, you don’t feel so strange, as if you are doing something wrong by not acting French in France.
You will never be French, regardless, but if you really want to learn more about another culture, then you must learn how they live by following suit. Eat what they eat, speak what they speak, and do what they do, to better understand why they think and act so differently. That does not mean that you should completely abandon your own traditions, but there is something to be said for actually getting the full experience in another country. You can always go back to your country and easily return to your former habits, but will you want to after a few months, that is the question. If you never try to adapt to another way of life, then how will you ever know which lifestyle works best for you? Culture is important to its members in order to feel a sense of belonging and comfort, and is that not what most individuals inevitably seek, after all? Maybe you have “belonged” to the wrong culture for your entire life, and you are about to discover one that feels more homey than you could ever imagine! Maybe you will eventually return to your origins, but not until after you better understand a different culture, and you learn exactly why you appreciate your own!
That also does not mean that as an individual, you should not be bizarre, weird, or different, but merely that you should consider the things that distinguish you from others. Don’t be weird by obstinately packing your own lunch just because it is what you are used, especially if it only results in unnecessary frustrations! Choose to be weird because of your passions, and or, because your quirks truly set you apart from the ordinary person! =)

Les mots. Words.

One of my most important lessons that I have learned since being a foreigner has been the importance of feeling appreciated. When you arrive in a new country, without any previous ties or relations, it is essential that you make every effort to find some good friends. For some people, it is difficult to admit that they need other people, but that is what makes us human beings. The reason why even the earliest homo sapiens formed civilizations is the same motivation for why we continue to do so today, and the same goes for close relationships. Perhaps the specific incentives vary, and yet, the fundamental concept is that humans thrive on contact with one another. What is the point of knowledge, material goods, or even life, if there is no one to share it with, or whose envy contributes to its value? It is a basic concept that similarly explains why individuals feel lonely, and or seek the companionship of others, because otherwise life has no value. Humans require acceptance from others in the shape of families, friends, lovers, neighbors and co-workers, whether they acknowledge this dependence, or not.
The challenge that I struggled to understand for years is why should one consider it a weakness to need other people, especially since it is part of our nature!? It is not strange or embarrassing to show others that you love or appreciate them, and to desire similar actions in return. You only harm yourself more in the end, by continually isolating yourself out of comfort and fear of being hurt. I have noticed an annoying pattern that the most challenging obstacles in life are the ones that are the most worth pursuing, because they render the most rewarding outcomes.
Another key, is that you can still be independent, while enjoying companionship from others. When it comes to personal relationships, for example, there is a difference between being an independent person, who occasionally enjoys solitude and piece of mind, as opposed to completely distancing others. I have yet to meet such an individual, who is truly content in his or her social seclusion, despite his or her insistence. Besides, the act of bragging about one’s independence is ironic, is it not, after all? If a person were truly un-reliant on the esteem of others, then they would have no need to convince others of their own stability.
The third and often most challenging aspect of relationships is learning how to show others that you care about them, which is a gradual and intimidating process. In my opinion, the first, and probably the most terrifying step, is to be open about your feelings, as well as to be willing to listen to those of others. This is particularly frightening because in the beginning, you have no idea whether the person will accept or reject your feelings, however, you will never learn which individuals are worth sharing your thoughts with, unless you make the effort. Once you have exchanged your sentiments, there is the equally important matter of supporting your words with actions. Even I will admit that words alone do not sufficiently convey certain sentiments, and that there is nothing more powerful than a good hug! Simple gestures like affectionately touching the shoulder of a friend, or even acts as daring as holding hands, say more than any well-intentioned phrase or a well-written letter.
Lately, I found that the more information that my friends have about me, and that I learn about them, then the stronger our relationship becomes. I also realized how amazing and insightful hugs or body language are, and how you will only profit by requesting hugs from friends. In fact, you will instinctively recognize subtle signs of reciprocal affection, or the lack there of, which only physical contact conveys. If you want my advice, then say more when it comes to reservations about yourself, and say less and hug more, when it comes to showing others how you feel about them.

Paris, je t'aime!

Paris has stolen my heart and sole, and that is the only explanation for my recent failure to blog! It is disappointing to myself, as well, but Paris is like a drug and I am officially addicted. I won’t be able to enjoy it for long, which is why I am already reluctantly watching the days float away on the Seine. I feel as If I cannot breathe in enough of the delicious aroma emanating from the boulangeries on each and every street corner, or appreciate the taste of French cheese and baguette enough to fully pay homage its well-earned recognition, and yet, I am suddenly obsessed with Paris and its amazing treasures, as I fall victim to its irresistible seduction!

I am beginning to realize, however, that as much as Paris is a uniquely remarkable city, I cannot attribute all of my recent happiness to the specific location itself. It is true that my taste buds are constantly tingling for more of the most basic Parisian meal of a baguette with a few slices of tomato, lettuce and cheese, and my heart constantly leaps each time that I have a successful conversation in French, while it is equally true, that I am increasingly discovering the warmth behind the typical Parisian’s initial scowl or judgmental look, which is more of a cultural effect than the result of bad temperaments. Then again, I am convinced that the fundamental reason why I am constantly high on life here is Paris revolves around the sole factor that I am no longer in America! Like I alluded to above, the particular Parisian culture is enticing, however it is not actually croissants and stylish pedestrians that are keeping me awake with excitement at night. In fact, at least two-thirds of my enlightenment, if I dare to even compare my sentiments to such a spiritual revelation, is due to my utter dislocation from my previous culture and lifestyle for nearly 22 years! The simple reality that my American routines have been replaced by not necessarily better, but different habits sufficiently liberates me from my former self-destructive tendencies.

At home, it is easy to obsess over silly concerns, and attempt to over-control familiar situations that do not constantly bombard me from unsuspecting faces and languages. Here, it is different because I am living as an exchange student in France for the first time, and therefore, I never really know how to manage, and or even approach situations. I immediately learned that any effort to control a strange circumstance, which I do not even fully understand, is an amusing idea, instead of a possibility. While I am most likely not smiling while I misuse the word for “condoms” in French, it almost always makes a wonderful story after it has been sorted out and or, it is in the past. In the very least, after every time that I have felt lost, frustrated, or generally confused in Paris, I learn something valuable about either myself, or about another perspective on life. Paris has taught me to relax and to enjoy my confusion, so far, because after all, why are the adjectives “chaotic” and or “messy” readily associated with negative thoughts? Uncertainly, fear, loneliness, vulnerability - are all essential to life, and make truth, rapture, love, and strength so uniquely rewarding, and worth stumbling around in the dark to find. Every other day I smile, frown, laugh, cry, fall, or soar and as a result, I am doing what humans were meant to do – I am living – but not just anywhere, because I am living in Paris!

Brain Fart. Pet de l'esprit.

Why are human emotions so irritating and so uncontrollable sometimes? Since I arrived in Paris I have focused almost all of my energy on maintaining positive and not letting myself giving up. If I am lost and don’t know which direction that I should be heading towards, then I am the only person at that moment, who can figure it out! I suppose that I could give up, but then what would I do, freeze to death? I suppose that I could decorate an alley for the rest of my stay here in Paris, but I imagine that alternative would quickly loose its appeal, as it gets progressively darker outside, not to even mention hunger and or fatigue. I’m sure that I would never cease to be entertained, however, because there is always an interesting person, place, and or scene unfolding in the streets here. Plus, I can rely on the constant inner-workings of my brain to amuse me, and which have become more and more problematic with the language barrier.

When it comes to my English to French translation difficulties, I suffer from an unusual urge to fill every space with my own thoughts, and I have little, if any control over subject matter and frequency. I consequently begin a new thought before I can fully translate my last, and it drives me insane, as I spastically utter clauses, without the correct and corresponding phrases. It can apparently be amusing to watch, and yet it continues to frustrate me, as I genuinely desire, but fail to communicate to my unsuspecting audience with this unusual spectacle! Lets add it to the list of oddities and reasons why it tends to be so difficult for me to socialize with other humans, who aren’t used to my insanity. Family is more inclined to accept and or tolerate one another’s lets say, more “quirky” habits such as this, while friends have the liberty to choose whom they deem friends, and whom they simply ignore. That alone has been another valuable lesson, which has taught me the true value of friends and what qualities to look for in an individual, before I add his or her number to my French cell phone.

This tangent, by the way, is the perfect example of my inability to complete one thought before another, and equally important one comes screaming from behind, and demanding my immediate attention. So you see, that I am constantly fighting multiple battles when I try to speak French, and often times I am exhausted before I have even uttered a phrase in “Franglish”, really, because its not quite French, at the moment! My comprehension has drastically improved, though, which is useful and boosts my comfort level enough to continue my pathetic efforts to actually speak French!

Back to what I was writing before, finally, about remaining positive in my everyday mentally, as well as physically strenuous struggles to adjust to life in Paris. The positive attitude comes with the territory, I believe, because if I have to do something, anyway then I might as well pretend that it is fun, or at least that it will be okay. So far, it has always been okay, and I am usually surprised by how much more than okay it turns out to be! This being the case, then I have continued with my positive attitude because I believe that it yields marvelous results, as opposed to being negative all the time. If I choose to be negative, then I am wasting my time here in Paris, because then none of my efforts, thus far, would have been worth it! Trust me, there have been overwhelming efforts on my part, and many more where that came from, which is all the more reason to stick to my mentality. After all, being happy is more fun than being sad, wouldn’t you agree? But I must say, enthusiasm uses more mental energy than just being sad and pathetic, which takes little to no effort, at all! All you have to do is go outside and encounter a disgruntled pedestrian cut you off in the street, or get in traffic on your way home from work, and in minutes, you too can be angry, and or frustrated! I try to examine exactly why I feel so enraged, though, when a shopkeeper is unpleasant, or when I generally observe people being unkind to one another in public. Usually, I concentrate on the reality that it is pointless to get upset, after all, the situation is over, while my remaining anger only punishes myself, and not the person who I feel like deserves repercussions! The same goes for being lost and or unable to communicate, so I take a breath and relax, go for a walk, if necessary, and suddenly the haze begins to clear, and I am left feeling refreshed and ready with my flashlight.

All of the work is worth the effort, in the end, and I would rather be exhausted, but happy, then perhaps a little more energetic, and grumpy!

partager. to share.

I apologize that I seem to have fallen off the face of the earth, but I have an excuse because I have been busy learning. Over the past few days that I haven’t been blogging, I have learned so much about Paris, my French university, Paris, myself, and about life, in general! So much has happened, in fact, that it is difficult to explain all of the minute details, but basically I have learned that I love to share.

“Sharing” is the perfect word, it seems, to describe what I love to do, and also, what I want to do for the rest of my life! I will change that to “what I will do,” however, because I remember that another thing that I learned was that from now on, it is “I will” and “I can,” instead of “I will try” and that even “I want” is questionable! You have to make things happen yourself, and there is no time to sit around and desire or dream, otherwise it will be too late!

Back to sharing, I choose this word carefully because I am constantly asked as a student, “what do you want to do,” or sometimes worse, “What do you like to do?” As simple as these questions seem, they are extremely important in deciding major life choice, consequently, my answers matter. One of the reasons why I am studying abroad is because I did not have satisfying answers to these questions, because I was searching with specific and exclusive nouns and verbs! The key is that the answer should not limit you, but actually open you up to new possibilities! I haven’t wanted to say, “I love to write,” or “to read,” or even “to cook,” because all of those things are so definitive, and I do not want to be confined to one subject or topic of conversation. My struggle has been finding the right response, or perhaps, the best response that I can imagine, which, at the moment, happens to be, “to share.” The inspiration came to me in bed, when I was failing miserably to fall asleep thinking about all five hundred things that have happened to me just in the past few hours, let alone days! It works for now because it describes why I love to write, to read, and to cook, in addition to a majority of my interests. More and more, I am discovering that in a generally sense, I love to describe things in my own words, and equally as important, to hear others describe things in their terms, as well. Every new perspective enables me to understand myself and those around me, and it makes life that much more enjoyable! This ties into reading and writing, obviously, because I can do the explaining and the listening, but less directly to my other hobbies like cooking. As far as cooking is concerned, eating is another wonderful opportunity to have wonderful conversations, or “to share,” with friends and family, plus delicious food is involved, so what is not to love!?

For a brief digression, and to better explain my lengthy absence from the computer, I was severely ill from a weather-related epidemic, spreading in Paris. It sounds worse than it was, but at the same time it was miserable, and I was in bed for at least 17 hours straight. If you know me at all, then you know that means that I was, in fact, violently ill, because I never sleep in past 9:30AM! It was mostly mucus, gross, and most likely T.M.I.* but the truth, nonetheless, and I believe that I have coughed, blown, and or spit away most of the vile substance by now. It is dreadfully cold out still, and I have to be careful because it is easy to get distracted and to not pay attention to your body, telling you that you are tired, sick, and or generally in need of rest. Who has time to rest in Paris, right!? Three weeks passed with me continually ignoring all of these signals because I was high on life in Paris, and or over-whelmed by all the tasks that I needed to accomplish, and so I easily avoided taking care of myself, which is never the best solution! Now, I have had to begrudgingly slow things down a few notches, hence the lack of blog entries, and the similarly time-consuming activities, and yet I have been able to enjoy things that I haven’t thus far taken advantage of here in Paris. Life is all about balance and that one cannot achieve every single goal at once, and that some things take time and patience. Time, particularly, is more valuable than money ever will be, and therefore, if you must worry about anything, then worry about not having time, and not about being penniless, because after all, money is only an object that determines an object’s value, in the first place! What is a valuable possession if you don’t use it while you have it in front of you?!

*too much information