Why are human emotions so irritating and so uncontrollable sometimes? Since I arrived in Paris I have focused almost all of my energy on maintaining positive and not letting myself giving up. If I am lost and don’t know which direction that I should be heading towards, then I am the only person at that moment, who can figure it out! I suppose that I could give up, but then what would I do, freeze to death? I suppose that I could decorate an alley for the rest of my stay here in Paris, but I imagine that alternative would quickly loose its appeal, as it gets progressively darker outside, not to even mention hunger and or fatigue. I’m sure that I would never cease to be entertained, however, because there is always an interesting person, place, and or scene unfolding in the streets here. Plus, I can rely on the constant inner-workings of my brain to amuse me, and which have become more and more problematic with the language barrier.
When it comes to my English to French translation difficulties, I suffer from an unusual urge to fill every space with my own thoughts, and I have little, if any control over subject matter and frequency. I consequently begin a new thought before I can fully translate my last, and it drives me insane, as I spastically utter clauses, without the correct and corresponding phrases. It can apparently be amusing to watch, and yet it continues to frustrate me, as I genuinely desire, but fail to communicate to my unsuspecting audience with this unusual spectacle! Lets add it to the list of oddities and reasons why it tends to be so difficult for me to socialize with other humans, who aren’t used to my insanity. Family is more inclined to accept and or tolerate one another’s lets say, more “quirky” habits such as this, while friends have the liberty to choose whom they deem friends, and whom they simply ignore. That alone has been another valuable lesson, which has taught me the true value of friends and what qualities to look for in an individual, before I add his or her number to my French cell phone.
This tangent, by the way, is the perfect example of my inability to complete one thought before another, and equally important one comes screaming from behind, and demanding my immediate attention. So you see, that I am constantly fighting multiple battles when I try to speak French, and often times I am exhausted before I have even uttered a phrase in “Franglish”, really, because its not quite French, at the moment! My comprehension has drastically improved, though, which is useful and boosts my comfort level enough to continue my pathetic efforts to actually speak French!
Back to what I was writing before, finally, about remaining positive in my everyday mentally, as well as physically strenuous struggles to adjust to life in Paris. The positive attitude comes with the territory, I believe, because if I have to do something, anyway then I might as well pretend that it is fun, or at least that it will be okay. So far, it has always been okay, and I am usually surprised by how much more than okay it turns out to be! This being the case, then I have continued with my positive attitude because I believe that it yields marvelous results, as opposed to being negative all the time. If I choose to be negative, then I am wasting my time here in Paris, because then none of my efforts, thus far, would have been worth it! Trust me, there have been overwhelming efforts on my part, and many more where that came from, which is all the more reason to stick to my mentality. After all, being happy is more fun than being sad, wouldn’t you agree? But I must say, enthusiasm uses more mental energy than just being sad and pathetic, which takes little to no effort, at all! All you have to do is go outside and encounter a disgruntled pedestrian cut you off in the street, or get in traffic on your way home from work, and in minutes, you too can be angry, and or frustrated! I try to examine exactly why I feel so enraged, though, when a shopkeeper is unpleasant, or when I generally observe people being unkind to one another in public. Usually, I concentrate on the reality that it is pointless to get upset, after all, the situation is over, while my remaining anger only punishes myself, and not the person who I feel like deserves repercussions! The same goes for being lost and or unable to communicate, so I take a breath and relax, go for a walk, if necessary, and suddenly the haze begins to clear, and I am left feeling refreshed and ready with my flashlight.
All of the work is worth the effort, in the end, and I would rather be exhausted, but happy, then perhaps a little more energetic, and grumpy!
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