Paris, je t'aime!

Paris has stolen my heart and sole, and that is the only explanation for my recent failure to blog! It is disappointing to myself, as well, but Paris is like a drug and I am officially addicted. I won’t be able to enjoy it for long, which is why I am already reluctantly watching the days float away on the Seine. I feel as If I cannot breathe in enough of the delicious aroma emanating from the boulangeries on each and every street corner, or appreciate the taste of French cheese and baguette enough to fully pay homage its well-earned recognition, and yet, I am suddenly obsessed with Paris and its amazing treasures, as I fall victim to its irresistible seduction!

I am beginning to realize, however, that as much as Paris is a uniquely remarkable city, I cannot attribute all of my recent happiness to the specific location itself. It is true that my taste buds are constantly tingling for more of the most basic Parisian meal of a baguette with a few slices of tomato, lettuce and cheese, and my heart constantly leaps each time that I have a successful conversation in French, while it is equally true, that I am increasingly discovering the warmth behind the typical Parisian’s initial scowl or judgmental look, which is more of a cultural effect than the result of bad temperaments. Then again, I am convinced that the fundamental reason why I am constantly high on life here is Paris revolves around the sole factor that I am no longer in America! Like I alluded to above, the particular Parisian culture is enticing, however it is not actually croissants and stylish pedestrians that are keeping me awake with excitement at night. In fact, at least two-thirds of my enlightenment, if I dare to even compare my sentiments to such a spiritual revelation, is due to my utter dislocation from my previous culture and lifestyle for nearly 22 years! The simple reality that my American routines have been replaced by not necessarily better, but different habits sufficiently liberates me from my former self-destructive tendencies.

At home, it is easy to obsess over silly concerns, and attempt to over-control familiar situations that do not constantly bombard me from unsuspecting faces and languages. Here, it is different because I am living as an exchange student in France for the first time, and therefore, I never really know how to manage, and or even approach situations. I immediately learned that any effort to control a strange circumstance, which I do not even fully understand, is an amusing idea, instead of a possibility. While I am most likely not smiling while I misuse the word for “condoms” in French, it almost always makes a wonderful story after it has been sorted out and or, it is in the past. In the very least, after every time that I have felt lost, frustrated, or generally confused in Paris, I learn something valuable about either myself, or about another perspective on life. Paris has taught me to relax and to enjoy my confusion, so far, because after all, why are the adjectives “chaotic” and or “messy” readily associated with negative thoughts? Uncertainly, fear, loneliness, vulnerability - are all essential to life, and make truth, rapture, love, and strength so uniquely rewarding, and worth stumbling around in the dark to find. Every other day I smile, frown, laugh, cry, fall, or soar and as a result, I am doing what humans were meant to do – I am living – but not just anywhere, because I am living in Paris!